religious people (one out of many parts)
POSTED ON Tuesday, 21 July 2015 AT 01:53 \\
obstructions (july edition):

it's nothing much, really. it's just that i am an old, worn-out yacht and life is a turbulent storm waiting to suck me up and eradicate my existence. i've always been the odd one. the one that stands out for all the wrong reasons, mostly for speaking out my mind and firmly believing in things that everybody else is up against. let me be clear, i was just trying to make a change. i was a lonely soul, floating in Planet Lonely, trying to find the perfect puzzle to fit right in. but i can't seem to find that perfect puzzle yet. it's a constant, never-ending search and each step of the way is obstructed by judgemental schoolmates who think that i am a lonely, not-so-right-in-the-head dimwit who's trying to fight her way against the system and eradicate what they've been practicing for years.

i was probably considered too 'liberal', the girl who calls herself God. but it's true. i am my own God. (literally and figuratively) i decide my own moves. (you probably might get this wrong, as always. about time you learn what a metaphor is.) i was not bestowed with the brightest mind, nor was i born a genius. but this world is not a wonderland and i have to fight my way through. i am not going to sit still and conform to society's obligations if they're obviously off the track or does not adhere to basic human rights. i'm merely appreciating the diversity of mankind and i don't see anything wrong with that. i have absolutely no problem with religious people. but it becomes a problem when they smear the name of religion by shoving their beliefs down everybody's throat. why? because everybody is a muslim of course! that's right! the world evolves around muslims! we all practice the same beliefs and hold on to the same God! we're all born and raised under the same circumstances, under the same roof with the same upbringing! we lead the same life, and are affected by the same things! (note the sarcasm, by the way.) 

first and foremost, we're not emotionless robots. we feel. and we think and not ALL of us were born under the same circumstances. bear this in mind: not everybody's lucky enough to be born in a family like yours. some people were born completely clueless about themselves, about who they are and they have to embark on a journey to discover what their life is about. not everybody's born with a silver spoon in their mouth like you. not everybody battles the same demons as you do. and most importantly, not everybody shares the same sexual orientation as you do (regardless of their religion.) and you, as a human being first and foremost; cannot and will not have the rights to dictate what others can and cannot do. sure, it's a required thing to follow all the moral imperatives set by islam but what good will it do for you if you forbid people from claiming their religion for the simple reason of not conforming to certain rules? you'll only constrict everybody else's moves and push people away, thus making people becoming even more distant from Islam. i'm gonna let you in on a secret: homosexuality is not a choice. saying that homosexuality is a choice is like saying that you're straight because you chose to be straight. i am straight. i just am. i was born that way. i just couldn't bring myself to like girls. the same thing applies to the gay people. the LGBT community is discriminated, frowned upon and fought against. if sexual orientation is a choice, then tell me why would anyone want to wake up one day wanting to be discriminated and despised by society? they're born that way. it's a trait. it's a part of them that you can never obliterate. it's against islam of course! but nobody gave you the right to adjudicate what others can or cannot do. sexual orientation is not merely a biological reality. it's also a spiritual reality that all of you need to accept/receive favourably. they're not asking you to embrace homosexuality or be one yourself. they're simply asking for acceptance, because acceptance alone is more than enough. 

if there's one thing that i'd really like to change about you, it would be your mindset. some religious people are so used to being right that they forget they're human too. humans can never escape screwing up. they're so used to the idea of being correct that they immediately think they're holier than everybody else. anybody who doesn't adhere to the rules that their religion has set up are considered as their worst enemies and should be fought against. it's this kind of mentality that affects the unity of muslims. this kind of mindset is used to scare people and guilt-trip them. it's like a subtle form of blackmail that's masked beneath the holy name of religion and it's usually done for one's own pleasures. these people find contentment in being a so-called, self-declared leader/preacher and restricting other people's lifestyle. it's a mindset that needs to be eliminated from one's mind. stop thinking that you're better than everybody else just because you cover your hair and follow what your religion has taught you. being religious does not make you any holier than anyone. it does not grant you the right to be a downright bitch to anybody who chooses to live their life differently. i'm up for it if you want to preach about your religion but do it the right way. guilt-tripping and subtle blackmailing will not only make you appear like a blatant asshole but it also tarnishes the name of islam. you also need to stop minding everybody else's business. if they show prominent signs of not following your advice, leave them the fuck alone. you've done your part. now it's up to them to decide what's good for their wellbeing. being religious does not grant you the right to govern everybody else's choice of clothing or living. if you've played your role and done your part and they still choose not to follow you, leave. it's as simple as that. 

this is what i'm truly upset about. i hope you understand what i'm trying to portray in today's post. it's not called rebelling or going against the system. it's called having a brain and common sense and using it. the world doesn't only revolve around your religion. i hope you'll have this post tucked in safely in the back of your mind.

Almosts by Bianca Phipps
POSTED ON Monday, 6 July 2015 AT 22:57 \\
I have never felt so at ease as the day when you called me precocious
I have never feared big words, only those that refuse to use them. 
And the syllables rolled of your tongue like honey. I was hooked.
Language became our vein of communication and I know that everybody uses language to communicate. 
But ours was different.
as if in between the letters and the syllables there is a secret message only we could decipher, 
My days were filled with the sound of your voice. 
And your nights were littered with the loops of my handwriting.
We exchanged our favorite words. Mine being illuminated and yours being catiwhompas .
And our least favorites: 
Mine, “moist” and yours, “almost”
And when I asked you why, you said it was because almost showed failed potential.
That it represented our ability to be just not good enough.
That we had come to the brink of something beautiful, 
but fell short so many times we crafted a word for it.
But even we with our supposed mastery of the English language 
were not immune to the shortcomings of our vocabularies. 
Words can only help you if you speak them.
I never told you that I loved you… You never told me that you were dying.
Five easy words that would’ve shattered our worlds:
“I love you, I think.” 
“I have brain tumor.” 
You know still to this day I don’t know all the details,
Because medical jargon has never fit right in my mouth 
and even now 5 years later it feels like an invasion of your privacy.
but I do know I have poured over our conversations. 
Searching for the secret message you certainly tried to send me
And I am sorry, but I only almost found it.
Salt water is not good for paper and my tears warped your words.
After some serious consideration, I have decided to change my least favorite word.
Because while moist is gross; malignant is malicious.
Malignant is uncontrollable it means a phone call in the phrase “he didn’t wake up”.
Malignant is messy and unfair and a thief.
Malignant means I never got to say goodbye
Malignant is the cause of almost.
Because you were on the brink of something beautiful,
But you couldn’t quite reach it and you fell too far.
I am so sorry. I wasn’t there to catch you.

I hope your heaven is a library.
And I hope it’s void of almost’s. 

Almosts, Bianca Phipps

Dear Friend (500 Days of Summer)
POSTED ON AT 22:44 \\
Dear friend,

     I watched 500 Days of Summer and it was honestly one of the best movies I've ever watched in my entire life, other than The Breakfast Club and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's so bland, yet it's so entertaining. You know the movie's good when you had to pause the movie for a while to make room for crying in the dark while listening to Minks. I never knew the movie was called 500 Days of Summer. But I knew the movie existed. And I've been dying to watch the movie for years. Zooey Deschanel has always been gorgeous, but in this movie, she was gorgeous-er than ever and it kind of makes me sad for a while.

     And Joseph Gordon-Levitt, God, where do I start on this guy? He's... he's fucking beautiful. And I want him in the most unromantic way (Yes, I quoted Pierce The Veil.) He's the kind of guy you want to hang out in the basement and talk about the universe with. (Yes, I'm into astrology, sometimes.) He's so chill, and there's something about his eyes that captivates me. Not joking. He looks calm and reposed. He looks like Tom. He looks exactly like what the character is about. He executes it so well, a hopeless romantic who coerces the idea of love on someone who doesn't believe in love. He's somewhat like the guy version of me. I can see myself working in some field that I have no interest in.

     Alright, back to the movie. The movie really is something - it's like a movie, that came out of a movie. I think that's the most perfect way to describe how beautiful the movie was. The vibe it radiates, the nostalgia that comes with it. The train ride, browsing through record stores, listening to The Smiths in the elevator, Tom is the kind of hopeless romantic that I aspire to be. (the movie would be a hundred times better if they include The Strokes in the official soundtrack hehe) To be honest, no movie has ever made me feel this way. I needed at least 2 hours to calm myself the fuck down and accept the fact that Tom really wasn't meant to be with Summer. For the past ninety-five minutes, these two has been my ULTIMATE one true pair and to find out that they're going separate ways is way beyond devastating. And it's true, I hated Summer. I hated her for leading him on, for being such a difficult bitch. She was obviously leading him on. Come on, who the fuck has sex with someone and still consider them as their best friend? I know I don't.

    I know there's a whole lot of meaning behind the movie, that you shouldn't put your self-worth in the hands of a gorgeous blue-eyed girl but God, I hated Summer. I hated her with a burning passion. I wanted to choke her, stab her with a machete, because how dare you turn down Joseph Fucking Gordon-Levitt and destroy my hopes and dreams? But that's life - that's just life. (Please note that I only wanted to mutilate Summer, not Zooey Deschanel. Zooey is my ultimate woman crush. Thanks.) It made me learn a lesson, in a way. And lessons that come in the form of seeing your OTP going separate ways hurt REAL bad.

But all in all, it was a really, really wonderful movie though I have to spend 2 hours to recollect myself and get my shit together. I love 500 Days of Summer. And I wish to be someone else's Summer. But, minus the breaking up of course.

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